My Encounter with the God of Love

I suffered from an anxiety disorder most of my life. In addition to this disorder, I felt shame and unworthy of God’s love and grace even though I had been a Christian for almost 20 years. But now, I can’t deny I’m loved.

In September 2012, I found myself sitting in a prayer service thanks to the strong urging

of a good friend. I remember listening to the live praise music and other Christians around me worshiping God with a love and adoration I didn’t yet understand. I felt nothing. After months of crying and begging God to pull me out of a desperate situation that had only deepened my anxiety and depression, I was completely drained.

“I know you’re real and powerful God, but where are you?” I remember thinking.

The prayer service message that night was all about oppression, mental and physical bondage and how our spirits are affected by these things. As the prayer director spoke, I realized I was the person who needed to hear the message.

“What an odd coincidence,” I remember thinking. But now I know it was a divine appointment.

When the message concluded, there was an opportunity for prayer and worship before we were dismissed. That’s when I felt a tug on my heart as if God was saying, “Go ask for prayer” – so I went to the alter. As the prayer director began to pray over me, she motioned for an intercessor to join us. The girl who assisted didn’t know my story, but immediately said words I’ll never forget, “God wants you to know He hears your cries. You think He’s not listening; but He hears you, and He loves you. He calls you His precious daughter.”

After the young intercessor spoke, the prayer director placed her hand on my forehead and prayed for God to break the hold of spiritual oppression and restore my joy. Suddenly, I was overcome with an immediate feeling of immense love and joy. It struck me so hard and so fast that I felt like I might stagger backwards during the prayer, and that’s when the surprise giggles started — and I could stop, but I didn’t want it to end. During prayer, joy and happiness overpowered me, and the silly giggles increased into laughter. I felt the love of the Father completely engulf me, sweeping away the pain and the darkness I suffered for so many years.

When the prayer ended, I realized I was a different person. My anxiety disorder was gone and peace had replaced it. I undeniably know God loves me. I will never question His love for me again. For the first time in my life, I have learned to trust with my whole heart.

Thank you for reading my story, and I hope it has encouraged you.

Praise You in the Storm

I write this blog post, feeling strongly someone may need a word of encouragement while walking through the desert today…

The saying is true that life can be a series of mountain peaks and valleys.  In fact, many times, I find myself in some sort of valley instead of sitting upon the mountain top; and I’ve heard people ask, “How can you believe in God when your life turns upside down?  If He’s real, why would He let these things happen?” After all, my husband and I have had a lot happen to us in recent years: deaths of parents, witnessing one deteriorate mentally; financial crisis, almost the point of ruin; emotional distress and oppression, straining our marriage; and physical sickness — just to name a few. “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

One simple truth is my bedrock in moments of trial, pain, and sadness.  He never promises life won’t be hard, but He is always sovereign.  How can I turn against the One who knows my steps before I take them and knows the stars by name?  My pain is His pain.  Yes, I truly believe He cries with us when we are stricken with grief and sorrow; but at the same time, the mantle I’ve been given leads to victory.  “Then Jesus wept.” – John 11:35 “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” – Romans 8:28

In my life, He has proved Himself worthy to be trusted over and over again, no matter how small my faith is in the moment of weakness and pain.  I’ve learned without question the most desperate moments which cause me to fall to my knees, knowing I can’t walk another step, is exactly when He miraculously and undeniably shows up.  He never fails to arrive just in time.  Like a knight on a white horse, he scoops me from the ground and carries me to safety.  How can I reject my faithful Lord who has never failed me?  In His mercy, He protects me.  If I trust Him to take the burden, His peace surrounds me.  As a wise man once said, “God will never let you see the battle without first giving you the victory.”  Besides, what is there in this life to be afraid of?  Even if I die, He has conquered death. “O death, where is your victory?  O death, where is your sting?” – 1 Corinthians 15:55

Struggles of this life ebb and flow like the tides, but His love and grace is constant.

“Oceans (Where feet may fail)” YouTube video by Hillsong United